Homeless or Hot Hipster?

Apt descriptions of the men I find attractive at 38

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Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash

The label model for a $35 tin of hemp seed oil beard balm.

Almost impossible to discern from a hipster, but un-ironically doesn’t know what a hipster is.

Paul Bunyan’s younger, leaner, slightly tortured brother, Ben.

An urban outfitters mannequin brought magically to life by a double tall oat milk chai tea latte.

The human equivalent of a ginger Scottish Highland Bull.

He’s not homeless, he likes living on his friend’s boat.

The sullen twenty-something son of a limited edition Mumford and Sons LP and a bottle of Kombucha.

Doesn’t know how to shave with a straight razor, but definitely owns a strap.

A viking who has time-traveled to the present and now has a job bagging my groceries in a green apron that really sets off the ‘I’ve given up’ in his eyes.

The secret lovechild of Cousin It and Emile Hirsch in ‘Into the Wild.’

Sasquatch, but he moved to Portland and discovered plaid flannel.

Looks like a mountain man, but unabashedly drinks White Claw Mango.

Basically Ron Swanson.

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Polyamorous, loud laughing unapologetic feminist, rad fatty, and epic sweet tooth.

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