I think to be honest, most of us guys really haven’t the slightest clue what we’re doing when trying to chat up women.

I don’t think women really tend to have that much more idea. Human beings can be awkward. It’s not necessarily a gender thing.

The way the male sex drive works means that when we don’t have access to sex we just get more and more desperate the longer it goes, and compatibility and suitability just go completely out of the window. Some of us have enough mental discipline to keep those powerful urges in check and behave like civilised beings but many do not, or haven’t been taught that they must.

I call bullshit on this. First of all, women get horny too. Women get desperate too. Not having had sex for a while doesn’t excuse inappropriate behavior. The idea that most men don’t have the “mental discipline” to not put their dick in someone’s face is ridiculous. A dog can sit in front of a steak and not eat it because they know they aren’t supposed to.

I don’t get the impression it’s the same with women, who seem to have desires that ebb and flow and level off rather than just continue to increase without limit to the point where it blots everything else out of your mind.

There are men with low sex drives and women with high sex drives. Either way, it’s just an aspect of your personality. The idea that men go into some sort of horny black-out if they don’t fuck someone and then can’t focus on anything but banging is ridiculous. All kinds of people go days, months, or years without having sex and they don’t lose control of their lives from it.

I don’t think movies and TV help, they all seem to imply that we’ll just magically know what to do, just ‘be yourself’ whatever the hell that means. And there’s so much creepy stalkerish behaviour that’s misleadingly shown to work out which is one reason I always hated rom-coms. They’re appallingly unhelpful because often they rely on some contrived situation that doesn’t give you a good prototype for what to say or how to act in any normal real world situation when your mind goes blank.

We can’t learn how to act from TV and movies. TV and movies are drama and entertainment, not guides for life or morals. Women face unrealistic standards and ideas in the media every day. These things are not meant to be helpful to anybody.

(sorry if this is mansplaining, am genuinely trying to be helpful..)

I mean, I don’t know that it’s very helpful. I’ve just written a lot of words in this piece about why it isn’t okay and why we shouldn’t be explaining it away. I guess I DID say I didn’t understand, but these answers don’t really feel like they offer anything other than excuses for bad behavior. I appreciate that you read my piece and hopefully took it to heart.

Polyamorous, loud laughing unapologetic feminist, rad fatty, and epic sweet tooth.

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