I mentioned them because you said that polyamory is a way to get rid of control in relationships, and I don’t think that’s true. Like I said, I was providing an example of a way that control is sometimes exercised in polyamorous relationships.

I agree that an OPP is not in the spirit of polyamory, but that doesn’t mean that the people who find themselves with a partner demanding that are not poly, or even that the person demanding it isn’t poly. I think being polyamorous and practicing polyamory are two different, but related things.

I suppose my main discomfort comes from the idea that someone read your work and think that what you lay out is the way polyamory is “supposed” to be. I have met a lot of people that think their way of doing poly is “the right way” or that polyamorous people are more enlightened than monogamous people, and I think your writing sends that flag up for me a bit.

It’s wonderful that you’ve had such great experiences with polyamory, but it seems to me that you’re sort of building a reputation with people as an experienced or knowledgeable voice on the subject, and with that reputation comes, in my mind, a bit of responsibility to shine a light on more than just one facet of the relationship style.

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Polyamorous, loud laughing unapologetic feminist, rad fatty, and epic sweet tooth.

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