To clarify, a one-penis-policy is generally not a demand of faithfulness, it’s ‘allowing’ the female partner to date other women, but not other men. The flip side of that would be a woman saying her husband/partner could date other men but not other women. I agree that it isn’t true polyamory, and is a huge red flag.
Regardless of that, it IS done sometimes by/to people who are polyamorous. My point wasn’t really to get into the etymological semantics of polyamory, rather it was to point out that people do act in controlling ways within a polyamorous framework sometimes, that’s just one common example.
I feel like you are taking my comments as an attack on you/your polyamory. I’m not saying anything about you or your relationship. I’m responding to things you’ve said with ideas that I have about polyamory. You say that not everything that you say applies to other people, and I agree, not everything I say about me or my relationship applies to other people either.
I’m not invalidating your experience. I’m responding to it, but I don’t feel like you’re really open to hearing other people’s points of view.